Salacious Advice: My GPS is the Top from Hell

Dear Salacious Advisors,

When I read the Salacious Magazine call for participation in your upcoming sci-fi issue, I thought maybe you could help me.  I know this sounds bizarre but I feel like I’m locked into an unhealthy sexual relationship with my GPS. Sometimes I’m totally in love with her.  She takes me where I want to go and I get tingly when she orders me around.  But then suddenly she’s led me somewhere scary—not in a good way—and I can’t make her stop. When things like that happen, I want toss her out, but I know I’d be lost without her.

What’s wrong with me? Ordinarily, I love to be topped and I think I’m pretty good at it.  I’m also pretty good at getting myself out of bad relationships. But this one, I can’t fix or quit. Salacious Advisors, can you help?

Troubled Over Petrifying Machine Experience

Dear TOP ME,

The root of the problem isn’t with you.  It’s with people in technology design who don’t see why kink wisdom should be considered integral and invaluable to their thinking.  True, the GPS has something like a safe word.  You can “seek alternate route” or turn it off.  But having a safe word without a safe exit strategy is a problem—ask anyone who’s been abandoned at the side of the road after refusing holes or head to the person with the car keys. Plus, GPS technology doesn’t allow for the kind of conversation you’d want to be having with a new partner or partners where you talk about the tastes, limits, and boundaries of everyone involved. But your GPS should and it could make some of that happen.  It already knows what time it is, it could easily know the date, and it knows how to find “attractions.” So you should be able to program the equivalent of “no back roads after dark if possible” or “keep me off Route 2 during hunting season” or “take me by a nice service station every two hours so that I don’t have to dirty these gorgeous heels by trekking into the woods or an alley to pee.”  If GPS designers had thought through the ethics and etiquette of topping, we’d already have those features.

While we wait for the upgrade—which they should offer for free since they blew it in the first place—you can use your bottoming experience to approximate the prequel you’d like to have with a human top. (And by the way, thanks for nudging readers to remember that bottoming is an active, skilled practice as opposed to something that happens to you while tops do all the work.) Maybe you ordinarily like to experience a mini-version of what might come later; hold me down before you tie me up.  Then try the GPS out on some short trips first.  Maybe you like to try out a top on familiar pleasures before embarking on something new.  Then have her take you somewhere you can find already. See if she follows a route that you like—or if she takes you on an exciting new route you’ve never considered but that you could still navigate your way out of.  If you are satisfied with the prequels, give the GPS a go for longer trips and new places.  When “where are you taking me!?” starts feeling like the thrill of anticipation, give yourself up to her and let her take you to heaven.

But never totally let your guard down.  Unlike people wrongly mistrusted, misjudged, and mislabeled for being, say, undocumented by the nation-state, your GPS truly is and will remain an “alien,” one whom you need to view with a bit of suspicion.  So if she’s taking you somewhere you’ve never been with her before, use the cautions you’d use with a human stranger: tell a friend what you’re doing and text when you get there.

Meanwhile, hang in there for our Sci-Fi issue. It’s coming next year.  And while you’ve got a mind to submit, think about submitting to us.  The deadline is September 15th (http://salaciousmagazine.com/call.php), so by then you might have quite the happy travelogue to share.

e.r.

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Salacious Advice: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

Dear Salacious Advisors,

I am a genderqueer mostly dyke who finds hirself mostly attracted to straight guys who for all I know date female bodied people who identify as girls.  What to do?  Am I destined for solitary life?

Not Optimistic Going Into Romance/Lust

Dear NOGIRL,

Cheer up.  Your prospects are much better than you imagine for a very simple reason.  Straight guys aren’t always that straight in the ways that “straight” is traditionally defined.  If they were, bend-over-boyfriend videos would be the rare DIY find in some hypocrite Tea Partier’s attic, not a Wikipedia entry.   In fact, straight guys suffer from the same inaccurate reputation plaguing women who had “lesbian sex” in the 1970s.   People assume they have a preferred repertoire of one or two tedious positions:  the straight guys only want to get on top and pound you and the lesbians only don’t.  But really, all human beings have a lot more going on, at least in their fantasy lives, than the limiting categories they go by may suggest.

With a lot of straight guys, then, the fact that you don’t identify as a girl may be the opposite of a deal breaker.  But if the guy of your dreams hasn’t yet imagined himself with a “genderqueer mostly dyke,” then you need grab his attention for long enough to show him that you can rock his world.  How you do that depends on your own limits and desires.  Do you ever or often enjoy stereotypically “straight girl” acts, personas, or outfits?  If that’s what the guy’s into, you might lure him with the familiar and then introduce more sides of you—and of him.  But even if you embody and project superqueer 24/7 from the hairdo down, it still might not take so much.   Remember that guy in “Hillbilly Bone” who took his New Yorker friend out “honky tonkin’”?  The next thing you know the friend was deep enough into mainstreamed country music to be able to quote Blake Shelton (featuring Trace Adkins) on a queer porn blog.  As it happens, that ability can come in handy, since that guy-on-guy duet expresses precisely the attitude you want to excite: “all you need is an open mind/If it fires you up you gotta let it shine.”  Of course, whether you’ve got fool’s gold or queer glitter in that shine remains to be seen, but it’s definitely worth a try!

e.r

Sex. Romance. How-to. How not to. Queer Etiquette. Fuck etiquette. Anything else you want to throw at us.  Salacious Advisors lust for your questions.  Email us at advice@salaciousmagazine.com

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SALACIOUS Magazine is officially a sponsored project of Fractured Atlas!

To Our Fabulous Community,

Amazing news: SALACIOUS Magazine has officially become a sponsored project of Fractured Atlas, a non-profit arts service organization. What does this mean? This means that, should the sexy spirit move you, if you choose to donate to SALACIOUS, your donation can be tax-deductible.

We here at SALACIOUS HQ don’t get paid for our time. We are currently operating at a loss, and we are all volunteering our time between other ventures to give you, our rockin’ community, a fresh take on queer feminist sexuality. SALACIOUS is able to be sleek, glossy, and well-curated because we strongly believe in our work, despite the fact that it is not (at least at this moment) financially viable.

Right now, Katie takes full financial responsibility for all travel, printed materials, magazine printing, stickers, postcards, web-stuff… You get the idea. By donating to us via our awesome new sponsor status, you’ll not only be able to make your donation tax-deductible, potentially get a sweet freebie, and have they feel-good feeling in your sexy heart–you’ll be able to guarantee SALACIOUS retains its high print quality and full-color goodness. We want to double our print run for Issue #2, because we sold out of #1 so quickly, and your donations will help us do that.

Click here to donate: http://www.indiegogo.com/SALACIOUS-Magazine

So, thanks in advance! You’re fabulous.

Rock on,
kd diamond
SALACIOUS Founder and Art Director

SALACIOUS Magazine is a sponsored project of Fractured Atlas, a non-profits arts service organization. Contributions for the purposes of SALACIOUS Magazine must be made payable to Fractured Atlas and are tax-deductible to the fullest extent of the law. If you choose to donate with a perk associated, only the amount over the fair market value of the perk will be tax deductible.

http://www.indiegogo.com/SALACIOUS-Magazine

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Monthly Spotlight on a SALACIOUS Board Member: Leela!

A monthly featurette that lets our Board Members express themselves!
  1. What’s your story outside of being a SALACIOUS Board Member?

I help the sexually adventurous and those who wish they were create lives they love. As a sex-positive life coach I get to use all the skills I have to help people make themselves happy…and I’m currently in Portugal, training to add massage to my list of skills for getting people unstuck.  All of us have things we wish we would do and dreams we’d like to realize.  I help folks do that without compromising their sexuality to make it happen.  I believe firmly in uncompromising sexuality AND a life you love.

2. What’s your favorite artistic endeavor? (Like, movie, piece of art, painting, etc. We believe basically everything is art here!)

My favorite thing to do is write poetry; my favorite work of art is a way harder question.  I think my heart is most drawn to what is traditionally called craft—art that is meant to be used–Marge Piercy’s pitcher that cries for water to carry.  Or, you know, poems.  I love mugs, especially ones that are meant to wrap your hands around, and those steep-sided bowls you drink hot chocolate from in France.  I enjoy Magritte’s work but I wouldn’t hang it in my living room—I couldn’t live with it, it’s too disturbing.  Heather Corinna is a contemporary photographer whose work is stunning and sometimes erotic; there are dancers I couldn’t stop watching, I was captivated by the play, Proof.  So a little of everything.  Comic art, too, can suck me in although it’s not as easy a medium for me to engage with as words. And music!  My god, music is its own whole essay.  No Chopin, but Mozart and Telemann and Copeland and Natalie McMaster’s Volcano Jig is about the sexiest fiddle I’ve ever heard.  And vocalists?  I don’t even know where to start.  I start to feel drunk just thinking about art this much.

3. What current projects are you working on?

I’ve got a few things in the hopper. I have one client opening, mayyyyyybe two if you’re absolutely the right person.  (Are you the right person? http://leelalifecoaching.com: drop me a note!)  Coaching is just about my favorite thing in the world because it’s so effective, so transformative, and so satisfyingly fast.  For those who don’t want to coach individually just yet, I JUST finished the draft for a fun little alt-sex guide I dreamed up, for when intercourse is not where it’s at.  Once that’s test-read and proofed it’s going to be part of an awesome deal I’ll be offering, probably before the end of the month that will include a little coaching (you heard it here first!).  People should get on my email list at my website if they want to find out more.
As for in-person, I’m coming back to the States in April to present on sexuality and Western religion at Momentum (http://momentumcon.com), (the conference on feminism, sexuality, and new media being held in DC) and everyone should be there for SURE, it’s a fabulous conference and registration is STILL only $55.  Carol Queen will be there, Susie Bright will be there, Megan of Oh, Megan! will be there, Reid Mihalko will be there, it’s going to be amazing.  After that I’ll get back to the States for keeps on April 16, and will be launching my premium service, Tideworks, which uses a combination of bodywork (in person) and coaching to unstick the stuck and get your ass in gear.  I’m planning to book clients in one major city aside from my home location to start (I’m still working on choosing a city and am open to suggestions), and then expand to include other cities that I’ll travel to in order to support those clients.  That will be running concurrently with my regular coaching clients and some regular massage clients as well.  In May I’ll be presenting to the board of Mabel Wadsworth Center, the Bangor-area women’s health center, and there may be something going on this fall on the East Coast, but I don’t have details about that yet.

In the teleclass world I’ll be working with another coach as one of the guest experts for a series of calls on moving from discharged to take-charge—when that comes out I’ll be letting my list know, too, so again, sign up for the sex tips list, take the assessment if you want, and you’ll know exactly what I’m doing when I’m doing it.

4. Got a favorite website?

Other than salaciousmagazine.com?

5. Leather or lace? Rubber or vinyl? Coke or Pepsi?

Leather, although on other people lace looks great and I don’t wear leather very often.
Neither: oddly enough, I don’t like the sensation of either one.  Give me cotton flannel, worn denim, fleece…hmm.  I think I live in the country. 🙂
Coke, but I stopped drinking it when I started tasting the chemical aftertaste.  If you want to make me happy, fizzy orange juice or pomegranate juice is a good drink for me. 

6. Got a favorite toy?

Heh.  Yes, but they don’t make it anymore.  It’s from Tantus, copyright 1998, and I guard it with my life.  But of the ones that are currently on the market I’m in LOVE with the Spare Parts harness.  Also, the JimmyJane line of Form toys is fantastic.

7. If you ran your own podcast, what would it be called? What would the content of it be?

Ooooh, a podcast!  Probably Uncompromising Sexuality or Unabashedly Sexy or something like that and I’d talk about having a life that integrates your sexuality and your inherent sexiness into the rest of your life, instead of locking it in the toy chest until the weekend.  Maybe it would be called Unlock the Closet, except that has such an LGBTQ coming out connotation, and I’d want to work much more broadly than that.

8. What’s the book/magazine/DVD on your bedside table? Why?

At home it’s usually a Maine Coast sort of thing, with pictures of beautiful houses on the water.  It’s my plan to get a place on the water and I like to keep my dreams and visions in front of me.  Also, it’s beautiful.  Here, it’s my computer or my anatomy book (I’m studying!).  And I just bought a book for my kindle called What Every Body is Saying, written by an FBI expert about reading body language. I’m totally excited to dig into that.  When I read fiction I read socially unredeeming novels or erotica.  I just finished reading my review copy of Rachel Kramer Bussel’s new anthology of short-shorts, Gotta Have It, and it absolutely rocks. In fact, next on my to-do list is writing that review for her.

9. How did you come into your feminism?

By birthright on my mother’s side, although it seems to have faded as she aged.  I was also raised in a feminist faith tradition and have always had this intense sense of right and wrong; it all just fit together.  I’ve never questioned my feminism although I’ve been uncomfortable with it as a label—while I recognize the immense contributions of the second wave, I felt for a long time that there was no space in feminism for someone like me who was not in alignment with everything the second wave espoused.  The book Colonize This! Young women of color on today’s feminism, helped me start to really understand third wave feminism and begin to see a space I could occupy.

10. What advice or words of wisdom would you give the 16 year old version of yourself?

Follow your heart.  Do what actually feels right.  Don’t let anyone rearrange your priorities for you.  I was a very strong-willed youth, but I can see in retrospect that there were less difficult ways to arrive at this point in my life.  On the other hand, who we are comes from who we have been.  I have no idea what would have happened if I’d done then what I kind of wish I’d done.  I have a fabulous partner, a strong, growing business, and I live in the most beautiful place on earth.  Something must be right!  Someone once said to me, “those are the easy kinds of problems—you throw money at them and they go away.”  She was right; the money has often felt really hard to me, but those are the easiest problems to solve in many ways.  The heartbreak and depression and confusion and loneliness can’t be fixed with any sum—that’s where the work lies, and that’s why I do what I do, to help people disentangle the problems that don’t just vanish when you write them a check.  It’s incredibly rewarding to see people break the surface and start to breathe again when they realize that there’s a way out, there’s a plan, there is hope.  I help people make hope, not vapid, empty hope but real hope with legs and a foundation, hope that can be built upon.  It really changes people and their lives for the better, and that makes me INCREDIBLY joyful every day.

Connect with Leela:

Leela
Twitter LeelaSinha
website http://leelalifecoaching.com
Facebook Leela Life Coaching
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Salacious Advice: Fisting

Dear Salacious Advisors,
My sweetie and I have been experimenting with fisting, and we’re both really excited about trying it.  We get the mechanics of it all, but we’ve yet to actually get to the whole fist part.  How can we get there?  Is this even safe?

~Help! And Needs Direction

Dear HAND,

Fisting is sort of like an athletic event.  It can be physically and psychologically intense.  It involves practice and incremental progress.  You need to play safely to avoid injury. And every event requires a warm-up, the right equipment, the right fluids, good mechanics, and the right strategy.

  • Warm-up:  You and your teammate are going to need to be relaxed, you’re going to need to trust each other, and you’re going to need be pumped (and by pumped i mean dog-in-heat turned on).  Neither of you will get to “the whole fist part” if you’re anxious, scared, or not really into it.  Be clear with each other about your limits and communicating such.  Also, dear fister: clip your nails and wash your hands.
  • Equipment: if you are practicing safer sex with your partner(s), use a medical-grade glove (available in latex or non-latex), easily found at drugstores or your local sex (toy) shop.
  • Fluids: you’re going to need lube.  I don’t care how turned on you get, i don’t care how wet you get—if, that is, you’re going somewhere that (for some people) self-lubricates—you still need lube if you want a whole fist in there.  Try a water or silicone-based lube if you are practicing safer fisting with latex gloves; water, silicone, and/or oil-based lubes are safe to use with polyurethane, nitrile, or no gloves.
  • Mechanics and strategy: one finger at a time in the vagina or anus until you get to the knuckles, then ease in the knuckles. Once you’re in, slowly make a fist and play around with squeezing, expanding, pulsing it.  Easier said than done, though–especially if you or your partner are having reservations about safety, feeling pressure to reach a goal, or unsure about how to even get started.

So practice, practice, practice. Ignoring any of these steps can result in vaginal or anal rips or tears, urinary tract infections, sexually transmitted diseases, and/or a whole lot of discomfort. If the fistee is feeling pain, you’re going too far, too fast.

Eventually, you’ll get to a point that feels pleasurable and (pleasurably) intense to you—at which point, you win.

Trophies may be awarded.

jlt

Sex. Romance. How-to. How not to. Queer Etiquette. Fuck etiquette. Anything else you want to throw at us.  Salacious Advisors lust for your questions.  Email us at advice@salaciousmagazine.com

 

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Truly SALACIOUS (originally posted on Babeland’s Blog)

You can find the original posting here:

Truly SALACIOUS: An Interview with KD Diamond, Editor of SALACIOUS Magazine

When I was young and had just begun to discover my sexuality, I had a partner who subscribed to the magazine On Our Backs, a women-run erotica magazine whose tongue-in-cheek title was a wry response to the publicationoff out backs, which regularly printed the work of anti-pornography feminists of the 1980s. At the time, the images in On Our Backs were the most raw, unabashedly honest snapshots I had ever seen of alternative sexualities. For my own part, On Our Backs succeeded in not only mirroring my own sexual desires, but also producing a few new fantasies in the process. By the time the magazine was bought out in 2006, it had under its grommet belt a number of now legendary contributors, including Susie Bright, Pat Califia andTristan Taormino. I mourned the loss of such a radically exciting (and indescribably sexy) publication.

Mourned, that is, until SALACIOUS Magazine launched its first issue. In between its shiny pages, I found new beginnings for a queer erotic dreamscape: personal comics addressing sexual journeys and self-exploration, sexy photos of scandalously hot people playing house or just playing around, burly leatherdaddies in full gear, daintily blowing out sweet little hearts onto the surrounding ground. In short, a erotic cornucopia of kinked, complex and counterculture images. Just the sort of thing to get the mind whirling and the juices flowing. Upon finishing the first issue, I sought out editor and comic artist KD Diamond, to hear more about the inspiration behind the magazine, as well as its plans for the future. After all, if I’ve found a new magazine of alt sexuality to leer at, I want to make sure it will be around for a while! Here’s what KD had to say:

Sarah: Tell us a bit about the driving forces behind the magazine. Who is SALACIOUS?

KD: SALACIOUS Magazine is a hearty ship with 10 individual, diverse board members, steered by me as their captain. You can meet everyone here at our editorial page. I’m the founder and art director, but I really rely on my board to keep the project strong.

Speaking for myself, I’m a nerdy art-kid who’s also a sex geek. With these powers combined, I create sex comics.

Sarah: What was your inspiration for the magazine?

KD: I’ve always been a huge believer that comics are the best tool to talk about gender and sexuality. There are so many great serial comics, comic books, and illustrated stories about queerness and sex and gender – it’s hard to say which one specifically influenced and inspired me. I knew I wanted to create something that combined feminism, queerness, sex, and comics.

Sarah: Who personally inspires you as an artist? Who do you read and look at?

KD: Well, Tom of Finland, I love his work – it’s iconographic by this point. But his painterly style, and hyper-sexual imagery is just wonderful to me. Also, Ellen Forney, her illustration work is so gorgeous, and she does a great job telling stories. One of my favorite books on my shelf is “Lust,” the illustrated personal ads from The Stranger she did. AndAlison Bechdel. As a queer woman, and as a comic artist, it’s hard not to feel Alison Bechdel has really influenced my drawing style and story-telling.

To list off some more, Roberta Gregory; Phoebe Gloeckner; Lynda Barry…not necessarily queer or sexy imagery, but women drawing comics. Great stuff. Lynda Barry’s “One Hundred Demons” is just incredible, and Phoebe Gloeckner’s “Diary of a Teenage Girl” is dark, intense and wonderfully drawn.

Additionally, there are an incredible amount of web comics that are telling awesome stories, queer and sexy stories, or just fun. Some NSFW ones are:Oglaf.com and MoonoverJune.com.

Sarah: What are your goals in presenting the queer community in a manner that is sexually charged as well as visual? Do you think this has the potential to socially normalize queer sexuality?

KD: It’s all about blowing the lid off the mystery of sex (no pun intended, really!). I think there’s this mainstream concept about what queer sex looks like and the truth of the matter is, it’s totally unquantifiable. Sexually charged visuals are as old as the sun. I’m using this tried and true method as a ways of making sexuality accessible. Knocking it off its awkward pedestal, down to something grittier and much more real, if you will.

Sarah: What are your hopes for future issues?

KD: It’s been great to test this opening issue on the world. I think for future issues, folks can expect more illustration, and an even broader spectrum of gender and race.

Sarah: What have you been discovering about the queer community, as you travel around for the launch parties?

KD: We are so very segregated! Still! I love cross-pollination, and part of the reason I use “queer” to describe my politics and my sexuality is that joyous combination of a little bit of everything. There’s no script or boxes for the word “queer” – for any LGBTQIA-XYZ word, really. Part of what makes SALACIOUS a powerful project is our intentional and purposeful approach to queerness and sex. There is no one way to define us. I hope that the more air-time the mag gets, the more we’ll all come together. Queers are incredible in the ways that we collaborate – I want more of that.

Sarah: And also, would you mind describing some of the SALACIOUS parties – I’m very interested!

KD: The parties totally vary depending on who is organizing them! Something to know about me is that while I’m an artist, I also come from a non-profit community organizer background… I really don’t believe in parachuting into someone’s community and telling them how to do things. So, what has made the parties so wonderful, successful, and diverse, is that they each have their own local flavor! SALACIOUS co-sponsors, supplies magazines and art, and then the party will look different however that particular community wants it. In Brooklyn, it was a sexy awesome dance party calledQueerspondance co-sponsored by BrooklynTheBorough.com. In Portland, Oregon, it was a drag and burlesque and spoken word night run by the local feminist bookstore, In Other Words. In Oakland, it was a live demonstration/workshop called IRON SLUT: Sex Educator Showdown featuring Reid Mihalko and Madison Young, co-sponsored by Femina Potens. They vary immensely, and they’re all pretty rad! (Find more about the Launch parties here).

To find out more about SALACIOUS Magazine or to obtain an issue, visit theirwebsite.

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Salacious Advice: Sports Kink

Sex. Romance. How-to. How not to. Queer Etiquette. Fuck etiquette. Anything else you want to throw at us.  Salacious Advisors lust for your questions.  Email us at advice@salaciousmagazine.com

Dear Salacious Advisors,

My boyfriend usually thrives on being the most well behaved boy in the world for me.  But yesterday I told him to drink only from our Green Bay Packers mug and he refused.  What gives?  I get that he grew up in Chicago, but last week he polished all my boots with a q-tip while balancing on one foot as I ran sharp nails down his back.

Floored and Very Righteously Exasperated

Dear FAVRE,

This is a perfect example of why dom-sub relationships can never be based on a sub’s blanket agreement to submit.   You learn things about yourself and each other as you go along.  Maybe you can work your nails until he’s screaming but you can’t stomach making his back look like Natalie Portman’s bloody mess in the Black Swan even if he’d be into it. Maybe he can’t let you touch his left earlobe. Whatever.  Consent can be given, refused, and withdrawn on both sides.  Now that you know he won’t drink from that mug, move on.

But, dude! Your Salacious Advisors can’t help wondering why you even tried it.  Expecting someone to transfer sports allegiance from the Bears to the Packers?!  It’s like asking someone to give up their friends and family for you as if that were kink rather than cause for alarm.  We’d be alarmed, too, if you’d continued trying to act on what we’re willing to view as the temporary lunacy known as the NFL postseason.  Detach the (football playing) Packers from your kink life and develop some strategies to be gracious whether they do or don’t deliver.

E.R.

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Katie is doodling a new project.

And y’all get a sneak peek!

by Katie Diamond

pencil sketch

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Pre-order your magazine now!

Click here! –> http://katiediamond.com/salacious-get.php

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Protected: Online Preview for KickStarter Backers

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