Dear Salacious Advisors,
I am a genderqueer mostly dyke who finds hirself mostly attracted to straight guys who for all I know date female bodied people who identify as girls. What to do? Am I destined for solitary life?
Not Optimistic Going Into Romance/Lust
Cheer up. Your prospects are much better than you imagine for a very simple reason. Straight guys aren’t always that straight in the ways that “straight” is traditionally defined. If they were, bend-over-boyfriend videos would be the rare DIY find in some hypocrite Tea Partier’s attic, not a Wikipedia entry. In fact, straight guys suffer from the same inaccurate reputation plaguing women who had “lesbian sex” in the 1970s. People assume they have a preferred repertoire of one or two tedious positions: the straight guys only want to get on top and pound you and the lesbians only don’t. But really, all human beings have a lot more going on, at least in their fantasy lives, than the limiting categories they go by may suggest.
With a lot of straight guys, then, the fact that you don’t identify as a girl may be the opposite of a deal breaker. But if the guy of your dreams hasn’t yet imagined himself with a “genderqueer mostly dyke,” then you need grab his attention for long enough to show him that you can rock his world. How you do that depends on your own limits and desires. Do you ever or often enjoy stereotypically “straight girl” acts, personas, or outfits? If that’s what the guy’s into, you might lure him with the familiar and then introduce more sides of you—and of him. But even if you embody and project superqueer 24/7 from the hairdo down, it still might not take so much. Remember that guy in “Hillbilly Bone” who took his New Yorker friend out “honky tonkin’”? The next thing you know the friend was deep enough into mainstreamed country music to be able to quote Blake Shelton (featuring Trace Adkins) on a queer porn blog. As it happens, that ability can come in handy, since that guy-on-guy duet expresses precisely the attitude you want to excite: “all you need is an open mind/If it fires you up you gotta let it shine.” Of course, whether you’ve got fool’s gold or queer glitter in that shine remains to be seen, but it’s definitely worth a try!
Sex. Romance. How-to. How not to. Queer Etiquette. Fuck etiquette. Anything else you want to throw at us. Salacious Advisors lust for your questions. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org