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Dear Salacious Advisors,
My boyfriend usually thrives on being the most well behaved boy in the world for me. But yesterday I told him to drink only from our Green Bay Packers mug and he refused. What gives? I get that he grew up in Chicago, but last week he polished all my boots with a q-tip while balancing on one foot as I ran sharp nails down his back.
Floored and Very Righteously Exasperated
Dear FAVRE,
This is a perfect example of why dom-sub relationships can never be based on a sub’s blanket agreement to submit. You learn things about yourself and each other as you go along. Maybe you can work your nails until he’s screaming but you can’t stomach making his back look like Natalie Portman’s bloody mess in the Black Swan even if he’d be into it. Maybe he can’t let you touch his left earlobe. Whatever. Consent can be given, refused, and withdrawn on both sides. Now that you know he won’t drink from that mug, move on.
But, dude! Your Salacious Advisors can’t help wondering why you even tried it. Expecting someone to transfer sports allegiance from the Bears to the Packers?! It’s like asking someone to give up their friends and family for you as if that were kink rather than cause for alarm. We’d be alarmed, too, if you’d continued trying to act on what we’re willing to view as the temporary lunacy known as the NFL postseason. Detach the (football playing) Packers from your kink life and develop some strategies to be gracious whether they do or don’t deliver.
E.R.
salacious magazine 